Happy 1st day of school to my baby and yours!

And I pray.......

Lord I bless you this morning... I thank you for being so awesome! As our babies start school today, I ask that you cover them. Send your angels of protection to be with them. I ask for your grace, mercy and favor to surround them. Let their light shine and let them stand out and be a peculiar ppl b/c they are a royal priesthood a choose generation. Let our children start and finish this school year on a high note. Even now I pray for top grades when they take all of their state exams.  God we pray for every teacher, administration and staff that will come in contact with our children, anoint them afresh. I pray for every parent that will read this prayer and that you rest, rule and abide in every house hold. Your will be done this year in Jesus name. 

Amen

Guess who's back!!

My oh my have I been busy!!! Here's a bit of what's been going on with my family and I. My oldest has had a birthday, she turned the big 12.... She reminds me on a regular basis that she's a preteen and will be in 7th grade this year. Where has the time gone!? It seems like just yesterday I was excited when she learned to pronounce mommy (and second thinking my excitement when her "mommy mommy mommy" became a song.???)  Now all I hear is "ma", apparently she's to old to say mommy now and the songs that's she's singing typically have nothing to do with me. She's growing up, in case you were wondering I definitely just dropped a tear. 

Princess Amia is now 6 months going on 6years old. She coos more then I talk, sits up, puts anything she can get her hands on in her mouth especially her toes. If you hold her hand she walks, when she went to the dr the other day they just couldn't believe it. "Sarah, Michelle come look at this baby!" Everyone gathered to see how big she's getting.  I think she loves the attention! She's eating cereal and fruit that I purée in her baby bullet. Sleeping through the night is still a complication, seems like I get maybe a night a week. At this point I will take what I can get. 

My hubby, he's up to his same old seemingly impossible task. He's loving me so perfectly, making it his daily mission to keep my heart smiling. His love is that kinda love that makes you, wait NOT YOU, but me fall for him over and over again. Our anniversary just passed and he started the celebration on a Thursday, sending roses to my office with a note confirming what I already knew. "Being with me is like being in heaven"!!! That Friday he surprised me with a trip to the spa, shopping and dinner. Saturday we hung out with friends and Sunday on our actual anniversary we shared a big dinner with family. He's A keeper!! Anyway, as always he's working hard in and out of the house and running things, at least I let him think he is. 

Now let's talk about me... I'm back in the office since maternity leave,oh how I miss working in my PJs at the house. Other than the fact that I have to get completely dressed and drive to and from in traffic, work is great! Besides work and my family, I have many other endeavors that I've embarked upon. Blogging has afforded me so many new opportunities. I don't want to share just yet, but I promise I will soon enough. 

What's next you ask?.....  I will continue to do interviews and share the journey of others. And of course I will give you more of my personal life stories the good the bad and the ugly. As you know, my blog is dedicated to inspiring women and people all over the world. I've been in very dark places both physically and emotionally but by the grace of God I've overcome many obstacles and everyday I continue my stride to becoming a better me. Also to come, blogs about breastfeeding, I will share my journey and tips for both mom and baby. I will talk about postpartum depression, hair shedding and everything (postpartum)/post baby.

Think before you speak and respond to any situation or conflict

“Danelle, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God.” I jumped ever so slightly out of my day dream when the judge slammed his gravel onto the sound block, the noise echoed throughout the court. I haven’t even made it to my 16^th birthday, how did I get here. My thoughts were so loud in my head if I didn’t know any better I would think everyone could hear me. “Young lady” the judge said; finally I responded, “I do.”  Of course everyone wanted to hear what happened, but telling the story just made me want to smack myself. One stupid decision is affecting me big time; I guess this is why my parents (Auntie & Uncle Bill) told me I should think before speaking and responding to any situation or conflict.   

He and I started as friends; we actually met at school. We had a cool friendship, but after a while he became a bit controlling. “Clearly trying to control me doesn’t work out well,” I thought that last part in my head. It started with him just showing up to my lunch period and wanting me to eat with him alone. I was actually ok with that, I found it flattering. But I became concerned when he started requesting that I wear certain clothing and demand that I cut classes to hang out with him. I thought to myself “I’m wayyyy too scared to cut class;” our hang out time would have to be on my lunch hour. I tried pulling away from him, not going in the cafeteria during my lunch period and walking the long way to classes, but of course that didn’t work. Finally in the lunch room one day he addressed the issue and I nicely told him that our friendship wasn’t working out to well. He insisted that we should remain and I insisted that we shouldn’t. He wasn’t too happy with my decision and let me know I would pay for cutting him off. I really didn’t think much of his threats at the time, but a few days later he started terrorizing me in the cafeteria.  In my head I said…”I’m being a bit dramatic,” I should have said, he was bothering me, but I probably shouldn’t have called it “Terrorizing.” I continued to tell my story ignoring my thoughts and further explaining how he made me feel uncomfortable. “He kept coming to my lunch periods and I was fed up on the day he spit a spit ball in my direction. The next morning, without thought, I packed a weapon; my intent was only to scare him a bit. I figured that would make him leave me alone for sure. As usual he showed up to the cafe during my lunch break, but when he approached me this time I pulled the knife out of my book bag and told him “To never ever bother me again.”  It had worked, or so I thought. Later that day as I was coming out of the bathroom the assistant Principle pulled me aside for questioning.

More questions, from the judge, and I answered them all with my best interest at heart. The final question was asked “Why shouldn’t this suspension turn into you being expelled, why do you deserve to stay with this school?”  All eyes were on me and I was back in my head scrambling for a response. The truth was like most other teenagers I was young and completely immature. I probably didn’t deserve to stay in the school, but I was sure not to tell them that. “I feel like I shouldn’t be expelled because……” Trust me “My please let me return to school speech was better than a presidential candidate running for office.” I was super apologetic, explained where I went wrong, what I should have done instead, I even talked about clubs I would join and how this experience has turned my focus back to my school work and my future. Although I was suspended for several months, I wasn’t expelled. I won, but it wasn’t til” I matured a bit that I realized just what I won.

My actions could have resulted in much more than a four to five month ban from my school building. Really my stupid scare tactic could have resulted in myself, him or someone else getting hurt. How would I have been able to live through that? I could have been fighting for my freedom  w/ a judge dressed in black in a court room located in a court house instead of upstairs in my school building. Or worse, I could have been fighting for my life. What I won was the reinforcement of the lesson my parents had been trying to drill into my head. This isn’t just a “Girl really, you did that?” story, instead I would call it what my parents called it, a “Think before you speak and respond to any situation or conflict.” Because one quick mindless act could be life changing.”  

Everyone's Story Won't Read The Same..

My daughter’s graduation was this past Thursday. One of the speakers, a previous graduate of the school, started her speech by quoting a goal she set and wrote to herself in her 6th grade yearbook. I don't remember word for word what she said, but basically she wrote that she aspired to be great and become a lawyer/judge. She went on to explain that she just graduated with her BSN and was currently in the process of applying for law school. So in 6th grade, at the age of 11 or 12, she made a plan for her life and so far it's going just as intended.

In the past when I would hear such stories and I would feel like why couldn't that be me?! Why did I have to be thrown so many curve balls in life? Why did I have to endure so much pain? Why didn't I stay focused?

I don't recall what I requested to be written beside my year book picture and I'm pretty sure I didn't say I aspired to be a lawyer, but I did have a plan. I had dreams, goals and aspirations. It took years, a whole lot of maturing and having faith in myself to get back on track.

Everyone's story won't read the same, but never ever give up on you. It doesn't matter how quickly it may have happened for others or how long you may feel your journey is taking; as long as you have breath in your body you can accomplish every and anything you set your mind to. I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm much further than where I used to be and I refuse to give up now. Refuse to give up, that in itself is success!

Danelle

You're not the only one

"Do you know what he did to me,” I yelled.  My head fell in shame; it's been too many years that I've been keeping this painful secret. This was the first time I mentioned it, the secret, to my family; in fact this is the first time I was saying it aloud. Although it slipped out in the heat of this argument, it was finally out. Part of me was relieved. I looked up to see everyone's faces, I was sure they would be plagued with questions. To my surprise my aunts and cousins didn't believe me. No one consoled me, no one wiped my tears, and everyone just called me a liar.

I wasn't even 5 when it started. My first molester was my baby sitters son. Where was she when he made me do those things to him?! When he touched me below and made me feel so uncomfortable. Seems like every time I was there he found a way to have his inappropriate private time with me. It wasn't until my grandparents happened to change my child care provider that he couldn't hurt me anymore. It was finally over, or so I thought. After that I was molested by two of the men in my family. I would think "What's wrong with me that everyone wants to hurt me?" I thought about telling my grandfather on several occasions, but I didn't want him to do anything that would get himself into trouble. I was stuck with no way out, no one to talk to and no one to protect me.

My innocence was taken from me and the pain of being violated shaped my life. For years I was afraid of intimacy. When I finally became sexual I went through a period of promiscuity. I went from one extreme to the other. Because of my experience’s I am now very over protective of my children. I know it takes a village to raise a child, but I knew the betrayal of my village.

Author’s Note: The story you just read is a personal account of a woman who chooses to remain anonymous; but graciously allowed me to put her experience into words with hopes that it may help the women who read this blog.  Below are a few follow up questions I had for Ms. Anonymous.

"The enemy wanted to destroy who I would become."

Danelle: Has the enemy succeeded?

Anonymous: As I mentioned before the hurt I’ve dealt with in my past has molded who I am. To this day I struggle with misplaced anger. It’s a daily battle to keep my sanity and not allow the enemy to win. Ultimately I know everything I went through had a purpose.  That purpose was so that I could minister from my reality to others. To let them know they aren’t alone.

Danelle: You mentioned your grandfather, but where was your mom through all of this?

Anonymous: My parents were unable to care for me do to mental illness and drug abuse probably stemming from issues in their childhood.

Danelle: Have you shared your story openly w/ others?

Anonymous: Occasional w/ people that are going through or have gone through molestation. It's very difficult to share b/c it’s a part of me that I’m newly exposing. I held the secret for SO many years and I still find myself trying to not acknowledge that it’s real, b/c it’s so painful.

Danelle: Do you blame your family?

Anonymous: No and I never have… I knew they {Grandfather} loved me and I’m sure if they knew what was going on they {Grandfather} would have protected me.

Danelle: What hurts more, what happened to you or the fact that no one believed you?

Anonymous: Hmmm that’s a good question… I think the fact that no one believed me… They don’t know how many times I was violated or the circumstances behind it nor were they concerned enough to ask.

Danelle: Any final words?

Anonymous: My grandfather, my mom, my family when I was a youth talked about protecting me from the Boogeyman outside not knowing that the Boogeyman was inside all along.

Father's Day Treat

I thought this was super cute. I'm so use to seeing a negative portrayal of fathers on social media. It was a breath of fresh air coming across this sweet video that went viral.

Artist most commonly known as Rico DA Ruler, has been writing freestyles for 10 years. His dearest freestyle was posted recently for his daughter naming her his #WCW (Women Crush Wednesday). Little Ms. Destiny was so overwhelmed, she covered her face to hide her tears from the video.  Grab your tissue and hit play.

Lyrics:
March 3rd of 2007
Was the day an angel came down from heaven
Into my arms in the ER, felt as if I was holding a mirror ‘cause I could only see me y’all
A little girl with her father’s features
Was employed at the time, but swore to make it my job to teach you
Everything I knew and more, though we ain’t rich
I promise this, you’ll have the finest food for thought, it’s truly yours
See you’re a blessing ‘cause you came at this time in my life
When it was dark and I was having trouble finding the light
And here you are, my little star
All shiny and bright
Wish I could pick you up and place you in the sky when it’s night
So the whole world could see you like I do.
No matter what happens your dad will always stand by you
From pampers to crawling, talking to walking
I never missed a moment, I made sure I saw all of it
Those the ones I cherish, ‘cause they don’t happen that often
I used to be hard, but girl you made my heart soften.
I remember the day that brought you home
It was me you and your mom, everybody else was gone
You had a little cold, but I had everyone on the phone
Talking crazy and crying ‘cause I ain’t know what was going on
What I’m trying to say, is daddy is going to protect you
Give you the best life that I can, I try my best to
Everybody make mistakes, and daddy’s gonna lecture
But when I see you doing wrong, I’ve got to give you some lectures
So don’t think I’m being mean when I fuss at you
I just want to be comfortable any time that you hit the scene
So people a well-mannered little lady
And I could sit back like, ‘That’s my little baby’
And I know sometimes your dad gets a little crazy
But that’s what eight years of raising a kid made me
Nah I’m playing yo, I’m proud of you…

Great hearing this young man proclaim his love and deication for his little angel. God bless them both!

Can I really blame him?!

I started talking to him on the phone after a few weeks of corresponding online. He was handsome, driven, drove a nice vehicle and had no children. Before even laying eyes on him I started this love affair with my Mr. Perfect. Before long I was asking about spending time together in public. At this point we'd already hung out in private; but he was never available for a true date. He always had an excuse as to why he was only available to just “Stop by.” At this point part of me thought he was only looking for sex, but the other part of me justified and rationalized his behavior and excuses. After all he continued stopping by even after I continually turned him down for sex. I was so confused; when I asked about our relationship status he would insist that "We're headed in the right direction," but wanted more time spent together to get to know each other. Before long I realized it was I who was pursuing him. I was the one calling and requesting date nights, I was the one keeping whatever this thing we had alive. He was still unavailable to be seen in public with me til’ one day when he met me at the grocery store. To tell the truth I was headed to the grocery store as he was on his way for his normal private hang out session. I begged him to meet me at the grocery store, can you believe I was actually excited when he finally said yes. It wasn't too long after that day that I gave into him and allowed him inside of me. I stopped talking to him after that.

For months I was angry with him. Angry at the way he strung me along, at the lies and how he used me. I played our story over and over in my mind and finally realized “I played myself.” From the beginning he showed me just who he was, never sending a "Suitable representative.” He never changed; in fact I was the one that changed. From the start of our love affair, when all we shared were a couple of back and forth emails, I made it clear that I had high standards, deserved the best and would be alone before I chase a man. I made it clear that sex was something that was simply not on the table and that I was saving myself for the “One.” But before the email reached his inbox I was already wondering if I should call him first. When he made it clear that I wasn't worth sharing a date with, I begged him to walk with with me in a grocery store, as if that would somehow boost my self-esteem. Not to mention it took less than 6 months for me to find him worth enough and give him my body, while he did absolutely nothing to earn it.
Author’s Note: The story you just read is a personal account of a woman who chooses to remain anonymous; but graciously allowed me to put her experience into words with hopes that it may help the women who read this blog.  Below are a few follow up questions I had for Ms. Anonymous.

Interviewer (Danelle): What do you want the readers to learn from your story?

Anonymous: Women it's time for us to fall in love with ourselves know our worth and wake up.

Interviewer: What do you mean by wake up?

Anonymous: As women we are a mighty and powerful group. We give life to nations. If we wake up and open our eyes to our worth we won’t chase men that don't value us. We would love ourselves enough to wait on the one that God sends for us; the one that's going to love and respect us. 

Danelle
PS. If you have an inspirational story you would like me to share and you’re available for an interview please inbox me either through the blog or email me @ danellejupiter@nurses247.com. If you would prefer to stay anonymous your identity will not be shared….ever.

Dear Future

It's been about two months since the big move. Although we miss being in NY, I must say we're settling in well. I look in my rear view mirror and Amia is doing exactly what little sisters do, question her big sister Aiyanna about everything and anything. I can tell from the tone of Aiyanna's voice she'll only be willing to answer a few more questions before she's "Over it." Tamar Braxton's "The One" comes on the radio, I'm singing my heart out knowing I sound just like her; well maybe not just like her. Lol. Out of the corner of my eye I can see my man bopping his head to the beat. I find his smooth groove ever so sexy. I chuckled to myself as I took a moment to take it all in. God has such a sense of humor, he showed me this very vision on numerous occasions and now I’m living it.

I feel his hand grab mine and as our fingers intertwine my heart melts. Life is great! I am witnessing Gods greatness, his mercies and his grace, and I’m in awe. His plan for my life is unfolding before my eyes. I look in the mirror again when I hear Aiyanna ask Amia "Mimi, don't you want to watch a movie on your iPad"?! As I suspected, she no longer wants to explain to Amia why the sky is blue, or how Dora gets into her IPad. Lol. My husband and I meet eyes for a brief moment and we both laugh uncontrollably because of the dialogue behind us. With my other hand I rub my belly, wondering what our new little addition will add to our back seat conversations.

Dear Future, I'm looking forward to living you. Oh and the next time you show me this day in a dream can you tell me exactly where we are driving, just hoping. Kisses

Danelle

It's just some t-shirts, or is it?!

My daughter returned home this past Sunday with 4 new t-shirts. She modeled one with the saying "Girls just want to have funds $," and as soon as she took a seat she excitedly pulled the remaining t-shirts from her bag. The second shirt had the phrase “ # OnFleek” written across the chest, the 3rd t-shirt was adorned with the number 100 all over it and finally the 4th was a peplum styled t-shirt. Am I the only one that's a little taken aback?!....  I promise that isn't a rhetorical question; am I the only one that finds a major problem with these t-shirts?

Aiyanna is a pretty average preteen in the sense that she's not thinking about where she's going to be 10 years from now and I would like to think I'm a pretty average mom in the sense that one of my major jobs is to prepare her for where she will be in 10 years. Almost daily we're going over the lesson that people often judge books by their covers and will judge you by your appearance. If you were a fly on the wall in my home you would hear me repeatedly tell her to cut out the slang talk. With that being said, why would I allow her to walk around advertising that she only wants to have “Funds” or have the words “OnFleek” splattered across her chest? I'm teaching her morals and values, like putting God 1st, and making family/friends and education her priorities. I would much prefer a t-shirt that reads #CollegeBound or #GodsChild.

Please share your feedback. Do you understand my point of view? Do you agree with my no compromise way of handling this situation? Or do you feel, "It's just a t-shirt."  I look forward to reading your feedback.

Danelle

Dear Aiyanna

So my baby, the big one, graduates this year. I'm soooooo not ready for this. Next year she will be in 7th grade, that's Jr. High school. Ahhh! As the end of the school year is approaching and she's begins her senior activities the more I realize just how real this is. Her class trip was a success and up next is her little prom, then not to long after that will be her big day, graduation!

Aiyanna,

It's such a joy to be your mom. I'm loving the experience of all of your first moments. I appreciate our deep moments and our silly ones as well. Plan on a life time of "Mommy please stop, we're in public." You will forever be my baby. I will continue to kiss you often and love you more and more each day. Mommy's looking forward to your graduation and the many special events of your life that will follow.

Mommy 

She

She sits on the bed wondering how she got herself in this situation. She looked up; the sound of him unlocking the door was magnified. Fear flooded her heart and her mind raced wondering how she could get herself out of this situation. She held back tears and responded to him questioning if she was ready with "NO! and I should really probably get home." He ripped her tights right after pressing play on an adult film and advising her to “Just relax.” There was no escape. Sweat dripped while he tried desperately to use her in ways that she had never experienced. He finally got up out of frustration, dressed and stepped out the room making sure to lock the door behind him. She pushed her skirt down and wondered if it was over, what was her next move, she knew she couldn't fight them all. She thought back and wondered why she didn't just run as they left their high school. Yes they were all surrounding her as they walked, but why didn't she just run. Did she want this? Is this her fault? She quickly left her thoughts when he came back inside the room seeming more determined than the time before, with a stronger approach than the time before, this time he made her bleed. After all she had never been at this place before. He jumped up in fear or disgust this time not locking the door behind and shared the news with his boys who I'm sure were waiting in line to further abuse her. She picked up her book bag and nervously headed towards the door.

She could hear the voices coming from what seemed like the basement and ran towards the front door. She felt the wind and finally a rush of tears. While still hurting and bleeding she's ran all the while checking behind her, finally she saw the school again and headed home. At this point she stopped looking behind her and began to look ahead. She should be relieved with every step away from that locked bedroom door but instead she remained fearful, how could she explain this to her parents? Where would she say she's been for all that time? How would she explain her ripped clothes and the blood?

Her heart skipped a beat and briefly she stopped breathing, the family vehicle pulled up beside her. She opened the van door and sat in the back. When she made it to the house she was told to stand at the door. She stood with her red coat over her off white shirt and tan shirt which hid the residue of what she just endured. She could tell that her parents didn't believe that she was hurt, but I guess they figured they would follow protocol and took her to the hospital. The rape kit confirmed that she was ripped and hurt. When the officers came she made up the names of her assailants; after all she didn't want to be further embarrassed at her school. The next day when she was sent to school she didn't know what to expect or how to behave. They were all older than her so there was a slight relief that they shared no classes together.

The day went on as if nothing ever happened and to the naked eye she was fine. But more than the physical discomfort she hated herself a little bit more after that day. How could she let it happen? Why didn't she run? Why did her voice disappear when it was time to scream? What if she didn't bleed would they have all hurt her? Is it her fault?

If only she had someone to tell her.... It is not your fault….you didn't deserve that. Or if she had someone to help her love herself through the shame and hold her hand as she cried for justice.

Today I tell you it's never your fault and you didn't deserve to experience that pain. You're worth more than even you know and God can and will restore your joy. Understand now that you deserve justice. God promised that you won't resemble the hurt that you’ve been through so don't worry about the shame. Lastly, until you find a way to love yourself through the pain, here's my hand and I will love you instead.

Sincerely,
She

Danelle

Ignorance Is Bliss

I can't wait until you have children and they give you back what you gave me...

That is one of my least favorite statements EVER! My family can tell you I was the child voted most likely to be in trouble, amongst all of the children in my family. I talked back, I got in trouble at school, I didn't do my chores correctly, I hung out with my friends without permission.....long story short I wasn't the best behaved child. As a result of my behavior I was punished almost always; I was beat, things were taken away from me, extracurricular actives were cut out, vacations were missed and I spent lots of time in my room when my cousins and siblings were hanging out and enjoying each other. WHY would anyone wish a parent or child to go through those experiences?

I find this commonly used phrase, I can't wait until you have children and they give you back what you gave me, to be very ignorant. Not to mention often times those are the very same people that are also praying against generational curses. How does that work exactly!?  On one hand you’re praying against the repeat of a particular behavior, while on the other hand you’re not so secretly hoping for the vindictive return of said behavior.

There is power in whatever you speak into the atmosphere and over my children I choose to speak positive. They won't go through what I have. They will be better than the child I was and become better than the woman I've become. They won't constantly be led by their pain and shame. They won’t be taken advantage of because they are somewhere they aren't supposed to be. They won't go to bed crying all night because even though in their heart there is a desire to do good, evil is always in their way. Their light will shine bright for the world to see. They will encourage others and themselves. They will be at the top of their classes and be respected and respectful. They won't only have beauty and brains, but they will also dance like angels or play an instrument with the perfect melody. They will either be the best debater on the debate team or a leader on the board of the student counsel. Or maybe eyes haven't seen nor has it entered into the heart of man who they will become.

Rant over

Danelle

Women In Business Club

I was invited by a friend almost two months ago, to join a Women In Business Club (WIBC). Friend "if you're reading this I have to admit, initially I was skeptical," I just new it would be a waist of time. I prejudged the group; I thought it to be one of those groups that get people together, get them so excited about starting a new business that they'll pay for whatever kit, advice and/or direction.....a pyramid scheme. My my my was I so wrong.

The presidents of WIBC Gabrielle White of NY and Ayanna Crawford of Massachusetts, have stated a Facebook group that allows women (and men) to network daily and also come together weekly via a conference call. WIBC encourages, guides and supports each member with life's challenges and business ventures. Often we have accomplished guest speakers who range from business owners to motivational speaker and even life coaches.

Personally this group has answered unanswered questions I've had regarding my business and I have weekly aha moments. I often receive emails and text just checking on my progress towards my goals and sometimes just to say hello. The group members are embracing and offer their expertise when they can.

We have members in several states and are on our way to becoming nationwide. Feel free to follow Women In Business Club of Facebook and listen in on our Tuesday night weekly conference call... I can't wait to meet you on the line.

We might hit a few potholes, but with God there are no road blocks.....

So many times I've been angry with myself because I have yet to accomplish all I’d planned. I would think back to my high school diary where I detailed everything I would attain or accomplish: from my first car, the college I would attend and my major, my career path, my wedding, my family….even the set of twins we would have. I knew exactly which direction my life was going and despite all the naysayers I was going to make it happen. You can only imagine my surprise when I became pregnant at 17, I hadn't included in my plans me wobbling to classes at the local community college. Or years later when I wasn't in the career I choose, I was still on page one of the book I was supposed to author and the biggest blow came when I disqualified myself from ever attaining a nonprofit organization, an organization that I dreamed would help young girls, because of my terrible mistake.

We're often our own worst critics, and what I’ve learned is it's never too late. As long as you have breath there’s more time to accomplish everything you envision. I was on my weekly Women in Business call and our guest speaker said something that resonated with me. "It's time to change or perspective. Our dreams are really our goals."

 Let's make our dreams our reality. Once we write out our vision and make it plain, we should ask God for direction and move in the way he guides us. Let's dust of our diaries, journals and vision board and look at life from a different prospective. We might have to rearrange something's on our life's blueprint, after all it's really us that determines the order of our life's accomplishment's. Though God know every step we take and he's right there with us he gives us free will to choose our steps.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I'm much further than where I use to be. Instead of highlighting my shoulda coulda wouldas I'm stepping into the place of knowing God’s promises for my life are Yea and Amen.

Danelle

Dear Mama

I write this today both with tears and a smile. Today May 5th is my Mommy's birthday. I woke up wondering where my emotions would take me and if I could consciously keep them in check. Thoughts of our last experiences together some clear and some cloudy swirl around in my mind. So much time has passed since our last hug or since I've heard your voice yet I'm still so in love with you. I appreciate everything you were and are to me with the time we had.

In honor of Mother’s Day I wanted to introduce mommy shout outs

To my Mommy who I know loves me from heaven, I love you forever.

To my Auntie (she's my other mom) who has loved me through my foolish teenage years, you mean the world to me. Thank you for teaching me to fall in love with myself before trying to love anyone else. You taught me my worth and made it clear that I deserved the best. You gave me LOTS of lessons on cooking and cleaning……maybe a little too many…lol. You've had an everlasting impact on my life, thank you just isn't enough. I love you forever!

To ALL the mommies out there, you rock!

Share the impact your mom has had on you. I look forward to reading your feedback.

Danelle

Body Scrubs By Rebeca

Yay, guess what came in the mail?! My body scrubs by Rebeca Lemon Burst body scrub.

First let me say the product was packaged ever so perfectly. From the frilly papers in the box that matched her theme colors to the applicator stick that came with my product. No this wasn't the first time I had the pleasure of using her products, but it was the first time I purchased from her website. The body scrubs by Rebeca website was very easy to navigate. On the site you will find information about the owner and her love for skin care. She also has detailed descriptions beside every product making choosing the scrubs that works for you just that easy. I placed the order with no hiccups and the product was received in a timely manor.

When I open the large jar of my Lemon Burst scrub it smelled like just that, a burst of lemon. I wanted to taste it, but settled with applying it to my skin. This product left my skin feeling cleansed and moisturized.

I'm looking forward to using this scrub again and can't wait to purchase another from the body scrubs by Rebecca collection.

Check out her website www.bodyscrubsbyRebeca.com can't wait to hear your feed back regarding this product.

Danelle 

P. S. I wasn't gifted this product nor was I paid for this review..

The Struggle

The blog I Published on 04/23/2015 was such a struggle. I usually publish post by 8am, but I kept giving myself an excuse and didn’t actually post until after 11pm that night. Honestly I was afraid and concerned about what people might think. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

I thought about not positing it, at least not yet. I justified not posting to myself saying “I’m just starting out and this is too deep, maybe I should wait until the readers get to know me a little better.” Then I thought maybe I should wait until my book is published (Yessss, I will speak it into existence) because it will contain further details of my story and will better explain the compounding situations that lead me to thoughts of suicide. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

At about 11pm that night I got into my bed without posting for the day; “Someone is going to read this?” My spirit immediately responded and said “What if someone doesn’t.” Then I remembered that this thing really isn’t about me. I didn’t go through all I’ve experienced and cry all those tears to be silent.

I’ve done many things in my past that I’m not proud of and I’ve been places mentally that should have resulted in my death, but I’m here. So with all the hesitation and embarrassment I thank God for the strength he gave me to finally post. My blog has become an outlet for me, but ultimately it’s for my readers. I’m coming to terms with being transparent in hopes that someone will find hope in my story. It seems improbable at times, but I hope to use this platform to save someone’s life. I will use myself and my story so someone that may be in that same place realizes if I made it through so can you!

Danelle

My Very Life Is A Testimony

Last week when I was asking God what this blog should be about I kept hearing "Your life is a testimony.” I'm thinking “Yes I know I have a lot to say and many testimonies, but how can I put them all in this blog.” How would I even do that? Would I list them chronologically? Or rate the events of my life from most trying to least? How does one even compare or rate testimonies? Would it be a list at all; I was lost.  Days passed and I wasn't getting any clarity, until I heard a devotional read by one of my aunts on our family chat.

So my family gets together daily and besides laughing and sharing our daily life with each other we also pray, have devotion and sometimes out and out church. Lol. No really…..actual 2 and 3, God's in the midst…. Church.  Singing, scripture and my wiser aunts offering wisdom like only church mothers can.

This particular morning devotion was titled "Over looked blessings.” It started basically by asking if we ever stop to think about how blessed we really are. She read about the blessing that people don't always acknowledge like having clothes and the activity of our limbs. During the devotion statistics were given; if you have money in your wallet you are considered to be in the top 8% of wealthy people, If you've never starved, I mean really starved, or have been to jail you're doing better than 500 million people and being able to read, something most consider a simple skill, places you at more of an advantage than 2 billion people in this world.

Now those statistics may be old, slightly elevated for the purpose of conveying their point or out and out made up, but what I got from that is exactly what God told me days ago... "My whole life is a testimony.” Waking up from day to day is a blessing, because somewhere someone else didn't. Walking, running and even typing this blog is a massive blessing, because someone somewhere is paralyzed from the neck down. I thank God for my blessings day to day, for life health and strength. Yes God saved my oldest when her umbilical cord wrapped tight around her neck threatening to take her very life. And he was there and protected me in high school one of the many times I decided to run away from home and walk in the dark of the night to Queens. I thank God for that, but I also thank God for EVERYTHING ELSE.

There is absolutely no way to rate blessings, so I won’t be rating my testimonies, I will simply give them to you as God directs me to; and I hope my story can add blessings to your life as your support has already added to mine. 

Danelle

The Stand Off

Hey everyone,

I was thinking about the other day when my husband and I had a slight disagreement and decided that our resolution to the disagreement would be to stop talking to each other all together. What’s ironic is, during our standoff I had an opportunity to realize how blessed I am that he is in my life. Crazy?! I know!

Let me explain.... Oddly enough we were preparing for church when this disagreement began.  As you know, if you had a chance to read my previous journal, we have a brand new baby. As any ultra-concerned mom would know, washing and sterilizing your new baby’s bottles is super important.  My husband, on this particular morning, washed the bottles and placed them where the sterilized bottles go as if he had sterilized them. I was pissed!!!!……and had a few smart remarks for him like "What are you trying to do to my baby" mind you he is her daddy... "You do this all the time" so not true cause’ I've witnessed him sterilizing bottles in the past. Stop looking at the screen like that my hormones are still out of whack….lol. My husband just decided to ignore me as I went on my mini rant. I responded to him ignoring me by ignoring him. I know it's kind of childish, but we were in a standoff.

Getting back to how our standoff showed me how blessed I am. All though I was clearly wrong and my last vow to him before my silent treatment was that I would be silent for a week, he treated me ever so perfectly. He was a perfect quite gentleman. As always he held every door and closed everyone behind me. He helped me out of the car and guided me in the church while carrying our baby and her bags. He pressed the elevator button and stood back so I could walk through it first. I know this doesn't seem like much but I just love the way he loves me, I'm so blessed.

For the record the standoff, or should I say my standoff, is officially over.... I gave it up in service….I couldn't have a better husband.

Danelle

She saved my life

I'm about 20 and my life seems like it’s not worth living. Nothing is going as planned and my test and trails seem to be over lapping one another. I'm wrestling with situations and circumstances that I'm just not built for. I'm embarrassed at where my life is; all of my peers seem to be thriving, but I'm stuck. As a result I decided to isolate myself thinking who would ever understand what I’m going through and worse…..who would care. I knew my family did not approve of some of the choices I made at that time so turning to them for a life line was not an option. Not even God seemed to be there……I truly felt ALONE. 

I was a new mom now, but I was simply going through the motions of motherhood, I read Aiyanna books, took her to the park, kissed her plenty and always shared plenty of I love yous. Truth is I still felt incompetent, uninspired and broken all at once. Being a mother just wasn’t enough, I was tired of LIVING.

So many times I made a plan, to slit my wrist. If that didn’t work I even had a back-up plan, over dose on pills. Every night after hours of tears suicide was my only remedy. The thought of my child having to live life without me always pushed my plans of suicide to the following night and on that night it moved to the next. I couldn't let her go through what I did.

One day after talking to my cousin in NC I realized I needed to run in order to save my life. We moved to NC, I changed the atmosphere that remedied me of the pain I had dealt with for so long, I changed the type of people I had around me and there in a rural town in North Carolina I gave my life back to Christ. He then reminded me that he never left me.

Life isn't always easy, no one ever said it would be, but his word promises us that "He will never leave us or forsake us.” Hold on; trust God for there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Pray; talk to the right people because isolation only makes things appear hopeless. When it seems like no one loves you and everyone has given up on you…..try God. I'm not going to make you think that instantly I was healed cause’ I wasn't. But with time my mind was renewed.  As you continue to follow my journey, life wasn't perfect after that, but suicide was never again, and will continue to never be, an option. God carried me through such a horrible place and used my baby to save my life.

Danelle

Any one suffering from depression/thoughts of suicide please call this hot line 800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 and are ready to help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a website www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Don't suffer in silence, their is always hope.

Just bragging on my baby

So today Princess Amia is officially two months and guess what?! She turned over today. Yup you read it correctly….. my baby turned completely over. I laid her to sleep on her stomach and when I was called via her crying, she was laying on her back looking up at me. My hubby and I noticed about two weeks ago her trying, but today was the day!  After a little research it's my understanding that the earliest babies usually turnover is 4 months. I'm such a proud Mama!!!

I want to hear from you, when did your little darling turn over? Share stories below or via email... Can't wait for your feedback.

Danelle

Introducing

Hi everyone!! 

So, family is a major topic I will cover in my blog so I thought it would be a great idea to introduce you to mine.  I'm newly married to my best friend Euing and we have two amazing little princesses. Our oldest Princess Aiyanna is 11; she's mine and now my husbands by marriage. On February 20th 2015 God blessed us with our second, Princess Amia.

Aiyanna is an all-around amazing little girl. She's a star dancer, stellar violinist, outstanding cook, Jr hair and nail stylist and most importantly an honor roll student. Currently she performs at an 8^th and 10^th grade level in Math and Reading respectively; and she is only in the 6^th grade.  Needless to say I am a proud Momma.

Princess Amia has already brought so much more joy to our home. Her smile has the whole house on a high. We're enjoying the experience of all of her 1st and often day dream about her future. Wondering how outgoing she'll be and if the volume and pitch of her cry is any indication of her future musical career, lol.

Remember Euing from a couple of paragraphs ago, my husband and best friend, he is truly my life partner. He's my homie lover friend, lol. Truly I'm blessed to have such a man that cares for me and our children like our happiness is all that matters. He's present with his family at church and helps make our home a house of prayer. He encourages me when I'm down and thinks about me when I'm focused on everyone else. He's who I tag in when I'm extra sleepy and our Princess Amia just isn't. I thank God for him and I'm looking forward to our forever together.

With all the amazingness (yup I made that word up….or at least I think I did) that is my family we still have our challenges like any other. Princess Aiyanna is a preteen, Princess Amia is a newborn and my husband and I are newlyweds…..the Kardashians ain't got nothing on us; wait….on second thought maybe they do. From my family, marriage and children blogs you can expect to read some of our current realities along with popular topics that are part of families all over.

Danelle

P.S. I will post a picture of Princess Amia soon, and in the next one she will be out of my belly.. lol