The Struggle

The blog I Published on 04/23/2015 was such a struggle. I usually publish post by 8am, but I kept giving myself an excuse and didn’t actually post until after 11pm that night. Honestly I was afraid and concerned about what people might think. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

I thought about not positing it, at least not yet. I justified not posting to myself saying “I’m just starting out and this is too deep, maybe I should wait until the readers get to know me a little better.” Then I thought maybe I should wait until my book is published (Yessss, I will speak it into existence) because it will contain further details of my story and will better explain the compounding situations that lead me to thoughts of suicide. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

At about 11pm that night I got into my bed without posting for the day; “Someone is going to read this?” My spirit immediately responded and said “What if someone doesn’t.” Then I remembered that this thing really isn’t about me. I didn’t go through all I’ve experienced and cry all those tears to be silent.

I’ve done many things in my past that I’m not proud of and I’ve been places mentally that should have resulted in my death, but I’m here. So with all the hesitation and embarrassment I thank God for the strength he gave me to finally post. My blog has become an outlet for me, but ultimately it’s for my readers. I’m coming to terms with being transparent in hopes that someone will find hope in my story. It seems improbable at times, but I hope to use this platform to save someone’s life. I will use myself and my story so someone that may be in that same place realizes if I made it through so can you!

Danelle