She saved my life

I'm about 20 and my life seems like it’s not worth living. Nothing is going as planned and my test and trails seem to be over lapping one another. I'm wrestling with situations and circumstances that I'm just not built for. I'm embarrassed at where my life is; all of my peers seem to be thriving, but I'm stuck. As a result I decided to isolate myself thinking who would ever understand what I’m going through and worse…..who would care. I knew my family did not approve of some of the choices I made at that time so turning to them for a life line was not an option. Not even God seemed to be there……I truly felt ALONE. 

I was a new mom now, but I was simply going through the motions of motherhood, I read Aiyanna books, took her to the park, kissed her plenty and always shared plenty of I love yous. Truth is I still felt incompetent, uninspired and broken all at once. Being a mother just wasn’t enough, I was tired of LIVING.

So many times I made a plan, to slit my wrist. If that didn’t work I even had a back-up plan, over dose on pills. Every night after hours of tears suicide was my only remedy. The thought of my child having to live life without me always pushed my plans of suicide to the following night and on that night it moved to the next. I couldn't let her go through what I did.

One day after talking to my cousin in NC I realized I needed to run in order to save my life. We moved to NC, I changed the atmosphere that remedied me of the pain I had dealt with for so long, I changed the type of people I had around me and there in a rural town in North Carolina I gave my life back to Christ. He then reminded me that he never left me.

Life isn't always easy, no one ever said it would be, but his word promises us that "He will never leave us or forsake us.” Hold on; trust God for there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Pray; talk to the right people because isolation only makes things appear hopeless. When it seems like no one loves you and everyone has given up on you…..try God. I'm not going to make you think that instantly I was healed cause’ I wasn't. But with time my mind was renewed.  As you continue to follow my journey, life wasn't perfect after that, but suicide was never again, and will continue to never be, an option. God carried me through such a horrible place and used my baby to save my life.

Danelle

Any one suffering from depression/thoughts of suicide please call this hot line 800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 and are ready to help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a website www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Don't suffer in silence, their is always hope.