Dear Mama

I write this today both with tears and a smile. Today May 5th is my Mommy's birthday. I woke up wondering where my emotions would take me and if I could consciously keep them in check. Thoughts of our last experiences together some clear and some cloudy swirl around in my mind. So much time has passed since our last hug or since I've heard your voice yet I'm still so in love with you. I appreciate everything you were and are to me with the time we had.

In honor of Mother’s Day I wanted to introduce mommy shout outs

To my Mommy who I know loves me from heaven, I love you forever.

To my Auntie (she's my other mom) who has loved me through my foolish teenage years, you mean the world to me. Thank you for teaching me to fall in love with myself before trying to love anyone else. You taught me my worth and made it clear that I deserved the best. You gave me LOTS of lessons on cooking and cleaning……maybe a little too many…lol. You've had an everlasting impact on my life, thank you just isn't enough. I love you forever!

To ALL the mommies out there, you rock!

Share the impact your mom has had on you. I look forward to reading your feedback.

Danelle

Body Scrubs By Rebeca

Yay, guess what came in the mail?! My body scrubs by Rebeca Lemon Burst body scrub.

First let me say the product was packaged ever so perfectly. From the frilly papers in the box that matched her theme colors to the applicator stick that came with my product. No this wasn't the first time I had the pleasure of using her products, but it was the first time I purchased from her website. The body scrubs by Rebeca website was very easy to navigate. On the site you will find information about the owner and her love for skin care. She also has detailed descriptions beside every product making choosing the scrubs that works for you just that easy. I placed the order with no hiccups and the product was received in a timely manor.

When I open the large jar of my Lemon Burst scrub it smelled like just that, a burst of lemon. I wanted to taste it, but settled with applying it to my skin. This product left my skin feeling cleansed and moisturized.

I'm looking forward to using this scrub again and can't wait to purchase another from the body scrubs by Rebecca collection.

Check out her website www.bodyscrubsbyRebeca.com can't wait to hear your feed back regarding this product.

Danelle 

P. S. I wasn't gifted this product nor was I paid for this review..

The Struggle

The blog I Published on 04/23/2015 was such a struggle. I usually publish post by 8am, but I kept giving myself an excuse and didn’t actually post until after 11pm that night. Honestly I was afraid and concerned about what people might think. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

I thought about not positing it, at least not yet. I justified not posting to myself saying “I’m just starting out and this is too deep, maybe I should wait until the readers get to know me a little better.” Then I thought maybe I should wait until my book is published (Yessss, I will speak it into existence) because it will contain further details of my story and will better explain the compounding situations that lead me to thoughts of suicide. All I kept thinking was “Someone is going to read this?”

At about 11pm that night I got into my bed without posting for the day; “Someone is going to read this?” My spirit immediately responded and said “What if someone doesn’t.” Then I remembered that this thing really isn’t about me. I didn’t go through all I’ve experienced and cry all those tears to be silent.

I’ve done many things in my past that I’m not proud of and I’ve been places mentally that should have resulted in my death, but I’m here. So with all the hesitation and embarrassment I thank God for the strength he gave me to finally post. My blog has become an outlet for me, but ultimately it’s for my readers. I’m coming to terms with being transparent in hopes that someone will find hope in my story. It seems improbable at times, but I hope to use this platform to save someone’s life. I will use myself and my story so someone that may be in that same place realizes if I made it through so can you!

Danelle

My Very Life Is A Testimony

Last week when I was asking God what this blog should be about I kept hearing "Your life is a testimony.” I'm thinking “Yes I know I have a lot to say and many testimonies, but how can I put them all in this blog.” How would I even do that? Would I list them chronologically? Or rate the events of my life from most trying to least? How does one even compare or rate testimonies? Would it be a list at all; I was lost.  Days passed and I wasn't getting any clarity, until I heard a devotional read by one of my aunts on our family chat.

So my family gets together daily and besides laughing and sharing our daily life with each other we also pray, have devotion and sometimes out and out church. Lol. No really…..actual 2 and 3, God's in the midst…. Church.  Singing, scripture and my wiser aunts offering wisdom like only church mothers can.

This particular morning devotion was titled "Over looked blessings.” It started basically by asking if we ever stop to think about how blessed we really are. She read about the blessing that people don't always acknowledge like having clothes and the activity of our limbs. During the devotion statistics were given; if you have money in your wallet you are considered to be in the top 8% of wealthy people, If you've never starved, I mean really starved, or have been to jail you're doing better than 500 million people and being able to read, something most consider a simple skill, places you at more of an advantage than 2 billion people in this world.

Now those statistics may be old, slightly elevated for the purpose of conveying their point or out and out made up, but what I got from that is exactly what God told me days ago... "My whole life is a testimony.” Waking up from day to day is a blessing, because somewhere someone else didn't. Walking, running and even typing this blog is a massive blessing, because someone somewhere is paralyzed from the neck down. I thank God for my blessings day to day, for life health and strength. Yes God saved my oldest when her umbilical cord wrapped tight around her neck threatening to take her very life. And he was there and protected me in high school one of the many times I decided to run away from home and walk in the dark of the night to Queens. I thank God for that, but I also thank God for EVERYTHING ELSE.

There is absolutely no way to rate blessings, so I won’t be rating my testimonies, I will simply give them to you as God directs me to; and I hope my story can add blessings to your life as your support has already added to mine. 

Danelle

The Stand Off

Hey everyone,

I was thinking about the other day when my husband and I had a slight disagreement and decided that our resolution to the disagreement would be to stop talking to each other all together. What’s ironic is, during our standoff I had an opportunity to realize how blessed I am that he is in my life. Crazy?! I know!

Let me explain.... Oddly enough we were preparing for church when this disagreement began.  As you know, if you had a chance to read my previous journal, we have a brand new baby. As any ultra-concerned mom would know, washing and sterilizing your new baby’s bottles is super important.  My husband, on this particular morning, washed the bottles and placed them where the sterilized bottles go as if he had sterilized them. I was pissed!!!!……and had a few smart remarks for him like "What are you trying to do to my baby" mind you he is her daddy... "You do this all the time" so not true cause’ I've witnessed him sterilizing bottles in the past. Stop looking at the screen like that my hormones are still out of whack….lol. My husband just decided to ignore me as I went on my mini rant. I responded to him ignoring me by ignoring him. I know it's kind of childish, but we were in a standoff.

Getting back to how our standoff showed me how blessed I am. All though I was clearly wrong and my last vow to him before my silent treatment was that I would be silent for a week, he treated me ever so perfectly. He was a perfect quite gentleman. As always he held every door and closed everyone behind me. He helped me out of the car and guided me in the church while carrying our baby and her bags. He pressed the elevator button and stood back so I could walk through it first. I know this doesn't seem like much but I just love the way he loves me, I'm so blessed.

For the record the standoff, or should I say my standoff, is officially over.... I gave it up in service….I couldn't have a better husband.

Danelle

She saved my life

I'm about 20 and my life seems like it’s not worth living. Nothing is going as planned and my test and trails seem to be over lapping one another. I'm wrestling with situations and circumstances that I'm just not built for. I'm embarrassed at where my life is; all of my peers seem to be thriving, but I'm stuck. As a result I decided to isolate myself thinking who would ever understand what I’m going through and worse…..who would care. I knew my family did not approve of some of the choices I made at that time so turning to them for a life line was not an option. Not even God seemed to be there……I truly felt ALONE. 

I was a new mom now, but I was simply going through the motions of motherhood, I read Aiyanna books, took her to the park, kissed her plenty and always shared plenty of I love yous. Truth is I still felt incompetent, uninspired and broken all at once. Being a mother just wasn’t enough, I was tired of LIVING.

So many times I made a plan, to slit my wrist. If that didn’t work I even had a back-up plan, over dose on pills. Every night after hours of tears suicide was my only remedy. The thought of my child having to live life without me always pushed my plans of suicide to the following night and on that night it moved to the next. I couldn't let her go through what I did.

One day after talking to my cousin in NC I realized I needed to run in order to save my life. We moved to NC, I changed the atmosphere that remedied me of the pain I had dealt with for so long, I changed the type of people I had around me and there in a rural town in North Carolina I gave my life back to Christ. He then reminded me that he never left me.

Life isn't always easy, no one ever said it would be, but his word promises us that "He will never leave us or forsake us.” Hold on; trust God for there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Pray; talk to the right people because isolation only makes things appear hopeless. When it seems like no one loves you and everyone has given up on you…..try God. I'm not going to make you think that instantly I was healed cause’ I wasn't. But with time my mind was renewed.  As you continue to follow my journey, life wasn't perfect after that, but suicide was never again, and will continue to never be, an option. God carried me through such a horrible place and used my baby to save my life.

Danelle

Any one suffering from depression/thoughts of suicide please call this hot line 800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 and are ready to help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a website www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Don't suffer in silence, their is always hope.

Just bragging on my baby

So today Princess Amia is officially two months and guess what?! She turned over today. Yup you read it correctly….. my baby turned completely over. I laid her to sleep on her stomach and when I was called via her crying, she was laying on her back looking up at me. My hubby and I noticed about two weeks ago her trying, but today was the day!  After a little research it's my understanding that the earliest babies usually turnover is 4 months. I'm such a proud Mama!!!

I want to hear from you, when did your little darling turn over? Share stories below or via email... Can't wait for your feedback.

Danelle