My Very Life Is A Testimony

Last week when I was asking God what this blog should be about I kept hearing "Your life is a testimony.” I'm thinking “Yes I know I have a lot to say and many testimonies, but how can I put them all in this blog.” How would I even do that? Would I list them chronologically? Or rate the events of my life from most trying to least? How does one even compare or rate testimonies? Would it be a list at all; I was lost.  Days passed and I wasn't getting any clarity, until I heard a devotional read by one of my aunts on our family chat.

So my family gets together daily and besides laughing and sharing our daily life with each other we also pray, have devotion and sometimes out and out church. Lol. No really…..actual 2 and 3, God's in the midst…. Church.  Singing, scripture and my wiser aunts offering wisdom like only church mothers can.

This particular morning devotion was titled "Over looked blessings.” It started basically by asking if we ever stop to think about how blessed we really are. She read about the blessing that people don't always acknowledge like having clothes and the activity of our limbs. During the devotion statistics were given; if you have money in your wallet you are considered to be in the top 8% of wealthy people, If you've never starved, I mean really starved, or have been to jail you're doing better than 500 million people and being able to read, something most consider a simple skill, places you at more of an advantage than 2 billion people in this world.

Now those statistics may be old, slightly elevated for the purpose of conveying their point or out and out made up, but what I got from that is exactly what God told me days ago... "My whole life is a testimony.” Waking up from day to day is a blessing, because somewhere someone else didn't. Walking, running and even typing this blog is a massive blessing, because someone somewhere is paralyzed from the neck down. I thank God for my blessings day to day, for life health and strength. Yes God saved my oldest when her umbilical cord wrapped tight around her neck threatening to take her very life. And he was there and protected me in high school one of the many times I decided to run away from home and walk in the dark of the night to Queens. I thank God for that, but I also thank God for EVERYTHING ELSE.

There is absolutely no way to rate blessings, so I won’t be rating my testimonies, I will simply give them to you as God directs me to; and I hope my story can add blessings to your life as your support has already added to mine. 

Danelle

The Stand Off

Hey everyone,

I was thinking about the other day when my husband and I had a slight disagreement and decided that our resolution to the disagreement would be to stop talking to each other all together. What’s ironic is, during our standoff I had an opportunity to realize how blessed I am that he is in my life. Crazy?! I know!

Let me explain.... Oddly enough we were preparing for church when this disagreement began.  As you know, if you had a chance to read my previous journal, we have a brand new baby. As any ultra-concerned mom would know, washing and sterilizing your new baby’s bottles is super important.  My husband, on this particular morning, washed the bottles and placed them where the sterilized bottles go as if he had sterilized them. I was pissed!!!!……and had a few smart remarks for him like "What are you trying to do to my baby" mind you he is her daddy... "You do this all the time" so not true cause’ I've witnessed him sterilizing bottles in the past. Stop looking at the screen like that my hormones are still out of whack….lol. My husband just decided to ignore me as I went on my mini rant. I responded to him ignoring me by ignoring him. I know it's kind of childish, but we were in a standoff.

Getting back to how our standoff showed me how blessed I am. All though I was clearly wrong and my last vow to him before my silent treatment was that I would be silent for a week, he treated me ever so perfectly. He was a perfect quite gentleman. As always he held every door and closed everyone behind me. He helped me out of the car and guided me in the church while carrying our baby and her bags. He pressed the elevator button and stood back so I could walk through it first. I know this doesn't seem like much but I just love the way he loves me, I'm so blessed.

For the record the standoff, or should I say my standoff, is officially over.... I gave it up in service….I couldn't have a better husband.

Danelle

She saved my life

I'm about 20 and my life seems like it’s not worth living. Nothing is going as planned and my test and trails seem to be over lapping one another. I'm wrestling with situations and circumstances that I'm just not built for. I'm embarrassed at where my life is; all of my peers seem to be thriving, but I'm stuck. As a result I decided to isolate myself thinking who would ever understand what I’m going through and worse…..who would care. I knew my family did not approve of some of the choices I made at that time so turning to them for a life line was not an option. Not even God seemed to be there……I truly felt ALONE. 

I was a new mom now, but I was simply going through the motions of motherhood, I read Aiyanna books, took her to the park, kissed her plenty and always shared plenty of I love yous. Truth is I still felt incompetent, uninspired and broken all at once. Being a mother just wasn’t enough, I was tired of LIVING.

So many times I made a plan, to slit my wrist. If that didn’t work I even had a back-up plan, over dose on pills. Every night after hours of tears suicide was my only remedy. The thought of my child having to live life without me always pushed my plans of suicide to the following night and on that night it moved to the next. I couldn't let her go through what I did.

One day after talking to my cousin in NC I realized I needed to run in order to save my life. We moved to NC, I changed the atmosphere that remedied me of the pain I had dealt with for so long, I changed the type of people I had around me and there in a rural town in North Carolina I gave my life back to Christ. He then reminded me that he never left me.

Life isn't always easy, no one ever said it would be, but his word promises us that "He will never leave us or forsake us.” Hold on; trust God for there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Pray; talk to the right people because isolation only makes things appear hopeless. When it seems like no one loves you and everyone has given up on you…..try God. I'm not going to make you think that instantly I was healed cause’ I wasn't. But with time my mind was renewed.  As you continue to follow my journey, life wasn't perfect after that, but suicide was never again, and will continue to never be, an option. God carried me through such a horrible place and used my baby to save my life.

Danelle

Any one suffering from depression/thoughts of suicide please call this hot line 800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 and are ready to help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a website www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Don't suffer in silence, their is always hope.

Just bragging on my baby

So today Princess Amia is officially two months and guess what?! She turned over today. Yup you read it correctly….. my baby turned completely over. I laid her to sleep on her stomach and when I was called via her crying, she was laying on her back looking up at me. My hubby and I noticed about two weeks ago her trying, but today was the day!  After a little research it's my understanding that the earliest babies usually turnover is 4 months. I'm such a proud Mama!!!

I want to hear from you, when did your little darling turn over? Share stories below or via email... Can't wait for your feedback.

Danelle

Introducing

Hi everyone!! 

So, family is a major topic I will cover in my blog so I thought it would be a great idea to introduce you to mine.  I'm newly married to my best friend Euing and we have two amazing little princesses. Our oldest Princess Aiyanna is 11; she's mine and now my husbands by marriage. On February 20th 2015 God blessed us with our second, Princess Amia.

Aiyanna is an all-around amazing little girl. She's a star dancer, stellar violinist, outstanding cook, Jr hair and nail stylist and most importantly an honor roll student. Currently she performs at an 8^th and 10^th grade level in Math and Reading respectively; and she is only in the 6^th grade.  Needless to say I am a proud Momma.

Princess Amia has already brought so much more joy to our home. Her smile has the whole house on a high. We're enjoying the experience of all of her 1st and often day dream about her future. Wondering how outgoing she'll be and if the volume and pitch of her cry is any indication of her future musical career, lol.

Remember Euing from a couple of paragraphs ago, my husband and best friend, he is truly my life partner. He's my homie lover friend, lol. Truly I'm blessed to have such a man that cares for me and our children like our happiness is all that matters. He's present with his family at church and helps make our home a house of prayer. He encourages me when I'm down and thinks about me when I'm focused on everyone else. He's who I tag in when I'm extra sleepy and our Princess Amia just isn't. I thank God for him and I'm looking forward to our forever together.

With all the amazingness (yup I made that word up….or at least I think I did) that is my family we still have our challenges like any other. Princess Aiyanna is a preteen, Princess Amia is a newborn and my husband and I are newlyweds…..the Kardashians ain't got nothing on us; wait….on second thought maybe they do. From my family, marriage and children blogs you can expect to read some of our current realities along with popular topics that are part of families all over.

Danelle

P.S. I will post a picture of Princess Amia soon, and in the next one she will be out of my belly.. lol

Blogging Journal Week 2

Happy Thursday!

What a difference a week makes! I'm humbled by the amount of support and encouragement I've received over the last week. There has been an abundance of comments for each post, Facebook shares/messages, emails, text etc. Thank you, I have such gratitude. So many people have shared how inspired they are from my post and I just thank God for it.

In my first blogging journal I spoke about how lost and confused I was at blogging. I haven't made it to the finish line of understanding, but I do have a much better handle on what I'm doing. Not to mention I've had at least three people reach out to me, unprompted, offering their direction and assistance. How amazing!

What's next you ask? More research of course... I will continue to figure this thing out. Once I have a good amount of information under my belt I'm going to either blog or vlog "How to Start a Blog from Start to Finish" in hopes of helping someone else. Now let's hope if I decide to vlog it won't be rocket science like this blogging seems to be. Lol.

Danelle

What do you choose ?

I was watching TV and Tina Campbell said exactly what my heart feels. "If there’s anything I can say or share to help someone not be trapped in the prison of their brokenness, that's death and I want you to live."

Both of my parents were dead by my eighth birthday. My father died when I was just a toddler and I guess because I was so young and have no memories of him it didn't impact my life like the death of my mother. I remember like it was yesterday.  I woke up with extra peep in my step that morning, it was my sister’s birthday and her teacher was allowing me to join her class to share in her birthday festivities. We woke up singing and laughing and dressing for school excited about what the day had in store for us. We couldn't wait to eat breakfast because with every passing task we were closer to our bus ride to school. Mom was still in the hospital so we ran past my big brother in the living room and across the hall to Granddaddy's for breakfast like we had the last few mornings. After ringing the door bell and knocking a few times the door opened to darkness. Granddaddy asked us to take a seat as he mumbled the words that I allowed to manifest years of brokenness in my life; “Your mother is deceased.” I was seven I'm not sure I even knew the meaning of the word, but I knew I was never going to see my mommy again.

When we returned to school after the funeral I slept through class for weeks, when questioned by the teacher my excuse was I just lost my mother. As I got older I developed a sense of hatred for my Aunt and Uncle, the people that was now filling in as my parents. I acted out at home and at school and my excuse was always “I lost my mother.” I was an orphan so I had such a hard time with developing healthy relationships of all types. I used my boyfriend and the fornication we shared to fill a void. I had my daughter when I was just 18 because I needed that mother daughter bond I lost 11 years earlier. It wasn't until my late 20's that I allowed God to heal me from that brokenness. I miss my mother and I still cry sometimes, but I now choose to live in the abundance of life and not in the brokenness.

Please don't get me wrong, with a tragedy of that magnitude it's okay to hurt, cry and have a broken heart, but the word of God says "Joy comes in the morning." Joy in the morning doesn't mean that you never think about that person or that tears wont linger, but it means you won’t LIVE in that place of brokenness. When you live in brokenness it's not living at all. The passing of my mother didn't only temporarily break my heart, but it broke me. For years I was operating in that place of anger and brokenness and I missed out on so much that life had to offer. 

 So yes I am an "Orphan," but then again I'm not. I've never seen the inside of an orphanage, I have family that loves me unconditionally and though my mother and father aren't physically here, I can say God saw fit to give me two fantastic parents who I love dearly. Yes I made some wrong turns along the way, but  the word tells us"God works out everything for the good of those that love him". "Being trapped in the prison of your brokenness is death, don't you want to live?"  

Danelle