Dear Future

It's been about two months since the big move. Although we miss being in NY, I must say we're settling in well. I look in my rear view mirror and Amia is doing exactly what little sisters do, question her big sister Aiyanna about everything and anything. I can tell from the tone of Aiyanna's voice she'll only be willing to answer a few more questions before she's "Over it." Tamar Braxton's "The One" comes on the radio, I'm singing my heart out knowing I sound just like her; well maybe not just like her. Lol. Out of the corner of my eye I can see my man bopping his head to the beat. I find his smooth groove ever so sexy. I chuckled to myself as I took a moment to take it all in. God has such a sense of humor, he showed me this very vision on numerous occasions and now I’m living it.

I feel his hand grab mine and as our fingers intertwine my heart melts. Life is great! I am witnessing Gods greatness, his mercies and his grace, and I’m in awe. His plan for my life is unfolding before my eyes. I look in the mirror again when I hear Aiyanna ask Amia "Mimi, don't you want to watch a movie on your iPad"?! As I suspected, she no longer wants to explain to Amia why the sky is blue, or how Dora gets into her IPad. Lol. My husband and I meet eyes for a brief moment and we both laugh uncontrollably because of the dialogue behind us. With my other hand I rub my belly, wondering what our new little addition will add to our back seat conversations.

Dear Future, I'm looking forward to living you. Oh and the next time you show me this day in a dream can you tell me exactly where we are driving, just hoping. Kisses

Danelle

It's just some t-shirts, or is it?!

My daughter returned home this past Sunday with 4 new t-shirts. She modeled one with the saying "Girls just want to have funds $," and as soon as she took a seat she excitedly pulled the remaining t-shirts from her bag. The second shirt had the phrase “ # OnFleek” written across the chest, the 3rd t-shirt was adorned with the number 100 all over it and finally the 4th was a peplum styled t-shirt. Am I the only one that's a little taken aback?!....  I promise that isn't a rhetorical question; am I the only one that finds a major problem with these t-shirts?

Aiyanna is a pretty average preteen in the sense that she's not thinking about where she's going to be 10 years from now and I would like to think I'm a pretty average mom in the sense that one of my major jobs is to prepare her for where she will be in 10 years. Almost daily we're going over the lesson that people often judge books by their covers and will judge you by your appearance. If you were a fly on the wall in my home you would hear me repeatedly tell her to cut out the slang talk. With that being said, why would I allow her to walk around advertising that she only wants to have “Funds” or have the words “OnFleek” splattered across her chest? I'm teaching her morals and values, like putting God 1st, and making family/friends and education her priorities. I would much prefer a t-shirt that reads #CollegeBound or #GodsChild.

Please share your feedback. Do you understand my point of view? Do you agree with my no compromise way of handling this situation? Or do you feel, "It's just a t-shirt."  I look forward to reading your feedback.

Danelle

Dear Aiyanna

So my baby, the big one, graduates this year. I'm soooooo not ready for this. Next year she will be in 7th grade, that's Jr. High school. Ahhh! As the end of the school year is approaching and she's begins her senior activities the more I realize just how real this is. Her class trip was a success and up next is her little prom, then not to long after that will be her big day, graduation!

Aiyanna,

It's such a joy to be your mom. I'm loving the experience of all of your first moments. I appreciate our deep moments and our silly ones as well. Plan on a life time of "Mommy please stop, we're in public." You will forever be my baby. I will continue to kiss you often and love you more and more each day. Mommy's looking forward to your graduation and the many special events of your life that will follow.

Mommy 

She

She sits on the bed wondering how she got herself in this situation. She looked up; the sound of him unlocking the door was magnified. Fear flooded her heart and her mind raced wondering how she could get herself out of this situation. She held back tears and responded to him questioning if she was ready with "NO! and I should really probably get home." He ripped her tights right after pressing play on an adult film and advising her to “Just relax.” There was no escape. Sweat dripped while he tried desperately to use her in ways that she had never experienced. He finally got up out of frustration, dressed and stepped out the room making sure to lock the door behind him. She pushed her skirt down and wondered if it was over, what was her next move, she knew she couldn't fight them all. She thought back and wondered why she didn't just run as they left their high school. Yes they were all surrounding her as they walked, but why didn't she just run. Did she want this? Is this her fault? She quickly left her thoughts when he came back inside the room seeming more determined than the time before, with a stronger approach than the time before, this time he made her bleed. After all she had never been at this place before. He jumped up in fear or disgust this time not locking the door behind and shared the news with his boys who I'm sure were waiting in line to further abuse her. She picked up her book bag and nervously headed towards the door.

She could hear the voices coming from what seemed like the basement and ran towards the front door. She felt the wind and finally a rush of tears. While still hurting and bleeding she's ran all the while checking behind her, finally she saw the school again and headed home. At this point she stopped looking behind her and began to look ahead. She should be relieved with every step away from that locked bedroom door but instead she remained fearful, how could she explain this to her parents? Where would she say she's been for all that time? How would she explain her ripped clothes and the blood?

Her heart skipped a beat and briefly she stopped breathing, the family vehicle pulled up beside her. She opened the van door and sat in the back. When she made it to the house she was told to stand at the door. She stood with her red coat over her off white shirt and tan shirt which hid the residue of what she just endured. She could tell that her parents didn't believe that she was hurt, but I guess they figured they would follow protocol and took her to the hospital. The rape kit confirmed that she was ripped and hurt. When the officers came she made up the names of her assailants; after all she didn't want to be further embarrassed at her school. The next day when she was sent to school she didn't know what to expect or how to behave. They were all older than her so there was a slight relief that they shared no classes together.

The day went on as if nothing ever happened and to the naked eye she was fine. But more than the physical discomfort she hated herself a little bit more after that day. How could she let it happen? Why didn't she run? Why did her voice disappear when it was time to scream? What if she didn't bleed would they have all hurt her? Is it her fault?

If only she had someone to tell her.... It is not your fault….you didn't deserve that. Or if she had someone to help her love herself through the shame and hold her hand as she cried for justice.

Today I tell you it's never your fault and you didn't deserve to experience that pain. You're worth more than even you know and God can and will restore your joy. Understand now that you deserve justice. God promised that you won't resemble the hurt that you’ve been through so don't worry about the shame. Lastly, until you find a way to love yourself through the pain, here's my hand and I will love you instead.

Sincerely,
She

Danelle

Ignorance Is Bliss

I can't wait until you have children and they give you back what you gave me...

That is one of my least favorite statements EVER! My family can tell you I was the child voted most likely to be in trouble, amongst all of the children in my family. I talked back, I got in trouble at school, I didn't do my chores correctly, I hung out with my friends without permission.....long story short I wasn't the best behaved child. As a result of my behavior I was punished almost always; I was beat, things were taken away from me, extracurricular actives were cut out, vacations were missed and I spent lots of time in my room when my cousins and siblings were hanging out and enjoying each other. WHY would anyone wish a parent or child to go through those experiences?

I find this commonly used phrase, I can't wait until you have children and they give you back what you gave me, to be very ignorant. Not to mention often times those are the very same people that are also praying against generational curses. How does that work exactly!?  On one hand you’re praying against the repeat of a particular behavior, while on the other hand you’re not so secretly hoping for the vindictive return of said behavior.

There is power in whatever you speak into the atmosphere and over my children I choose to speak positive. They won't go through what I have. They will be better than the child I was and become better than the woman I've become. They won't constantly be led by their pain and shame. They won’t be taken advantage of because they are somewhere they aren't supposed to be. They won't go to bed crying all night because even though in their heart there is a desire to do good, evil is always in their way. Their light will shine bright for the world to see. They will encourage others and themselves. They will be at the top of their classes and be respected and respectful. They won't only have beauty and brains, but they will also dance like angels or play an instrument with the perfect melody. They will either be the best debater on the debate team or a leader on the board of the student counsel. Or maybe eyes haven't seen nor has it entered into the heart of man who they will become.

Rant over

Danelle

Women In Business Club

I was invited by a friend almost two months ago, to join a Women In Business Club (WIBC). Friend "if you're reading this I have to admit, initially I was skeptical," I just new it would be a waist of time. I prejudged the group; I thought it to be one of those groups that get people together, get them so excited about starting a new business that they'll pay for whatever kit, advice and/or direction.....a pyramid scheme. My my my was I so wrong.

The presidents of WIBC Gabrielle White of NY and Ayanna Crawford of Massachusetts, have stated a Facebook group that allows women (and men) to network daily and also come together weekly via a conference call. WIBC encourages, guides and supports each member with life's challenges and business ventures. Often we have accomplished guest speakers who range from business owners to motivational speaker and even life coaches.

Personally this group has answered unanswered questions I've had regarding my business and I have weekly aha moments. I often receive emails and text just checking on my progress towards my goals and sometimes just to say hello. The group members are embracing and offer their expertise when they can.

We have members in several states and are on our way to becoming nationwide. Feel free to follow Women In Business Club of Facebook and listen in on our Tuesday night weekly conference call... I can't wait to meet you on the line.

We might hit a few potholes, but with God there are no road blocks.....

So many times I've been angry with myself because I have yet to accomplish all I’d planned. I would think back to my high school diary where I detailed everything I would attain or accomplish: from my first car, the college I would attend and my major, my career path, my wedding, my family….even the set of twins we would have. I knew exactly which direction my life was going and despite all the naysayers I was going to make it happen. You can only imagine my surprise when I became pregnant at 17, I hadn't included in my plans me wobbling to classes at the local community college. Or years later when I wasn't in the career I choose, I was still on page one of the book I was supposed to author and the biggest blow came when I disqualified myself from ever attaining a nonprofit organization, an organization that I dreamed would help young girls, because of my terrible mistake.

We're often our own worst critics, and what I’ve learned is it's never too late. As long as you have breath there’s more time to accomplish everything you envision. I was on my weekly Women in Business call and our guest speaker said something that resonated with me. "It's time to change or perspective. Our dreams are really our goals."

 Let's make our dreams our reality. Once we write out our vision and make it plain, we should ask God for direction and move in the way he guides us. Let's dust of our diaries, journals and vision board and look at life from a different prospective. We might have to rearrange something's on our life's blueprint, after all it's really us that determines the order of our life's accomplishment's. Though God know every step we take and he's right there with us he gives us free will to choose our steps.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I'm much further than where I use to be. Instead of highlighting my shoulda coulda wouldas I'm stepping into the place of knowing God’s promises for my life are Yea and Amen.

Danelle